What is up with the only titles I can come up with being from songs? I guess it’s a side effect of that music binge I spoke of yesterday.

Today, I’m a monomaniac, so I guess I’ll just have to write about what is on my mind.  All that is occupying my thoughts is the newest of my obsessions, the Lucchese L7000:

I found them this morning, on a rabbit trail after looking online for local suppliers of Doc Martens.  They’re hand made, and come in narrows, and just look at them!! Oh, there’s other boots on the Lucchese site that I love, but do you see that shooting star?! And look at the pretty chocolate brown color and the detail that’s perfectly simple.  No one else will even think of wearing them, either.  The reviews for Luchesse boots all rave about how they’re absolutely comfortable, and even more beautiful in person.  I’m convinced that these sensuous, decadent boots were made for me.

Yes, I have a shoe thing, and also a leather thing. But usually, there’s no commitment or drive. I like looking, and I can be fine without touching. These boots are different. I intend to own these boots, and not one day when I’m a grownup.  They are as good as mine, I’m telling you all right now.  I’ve never spent more than $120 at a time for anything that goes on my feet, and that’s my New Balances.  These run from $550-$700, depending on the vendor, and will serve as the perfect tangible incentive to get my butt in gear and make some excess money.  I’m not going to blow any of the budget on these puppies, no matter how my feet ache for them, so I really am going to have to get cracking.

Years ago, I came across a nifty website.   Users can create their own Johari window, which is a psychological tool that helps map a person’s personality. I saved the link to mine as a bookmark.

Originally, this was something I did just for fun, like any of the myriad Meyers-Briggs Star Trek tests.  (I’m usually an INTP, which is Worf.)  As time has passed, I’ve found it to be more powerful than most Internet memes.  Even though only 6 people participated at that time, and it hasn’t been updated since 2006 or so, it’s been a very helpful to keep around.  I’ve been told repeatedly that my self image is skewed.  I’ve looked at the words I chose for myself, and I still think they all apply.  But this is how others see me.

Lately my self esteem has taken a beating.  No matter how self-aware I try to be, I don’t ever see the whole picture. The visual aid really helps to bring perspective, and that Blind Spot is especially informative. Feeling weak and helpless is quite common for me, but other people think otherwise.  Just knowing that helps me tap into that strength.

Interestingly, there’s also at least one trait in that blind spot that I don’t believe is accurate at all. That reminds me that some people will see what they want to, whether or not it’s there.  So I try to respect other people’s opinions, and can use their views of me to help me have a fresh perspective.  I just have to remember not to be tempted to define myself by other people’s views.

Dominant Traits

66% of people agree that LadyGlutter is intelligent

All Percentages

able (16%) accepting (16%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (16%) calm (0%) caring (50%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (16%) confident (0%) dependable (16%) dignified (0%) energetic (33%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (16%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (16%) ingenious (16%) intelligent (66%) introverted (16%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (50%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (16%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (16%) proud (16%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (16%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (16%) sensible (0%) sentimental (33%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (16%) tense (0%) trustworthy (33%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (16%)

Feel free to contribute to my window, or send me a link to yours. If you’re thick-skinned and truly looking for self discovery, you could always try out the Nohari window. That’s the darker, more critical version. Fun stuff!

Continuing to follow my tales of my addiction to caffeine, and my search for more palatable, inexpensive, and less sugary distribution systems, I finally come to the point. I’m trying to acquire the taste for coffee right now.

I’ve always glamorized coffee drinking in my mind. Older, wiser people I wanted to be like when I grew up drank it.  It smelled so good, that the taste was a huge disappointment. I remember my first cup vividly. After I begged him to pour me a cup one time, my Peepaw poured me a cup of milk, put about a tablespoon of coffee in it, and handed me the sugar bowl. He told me to put “maybe 4 big ol’ spoons rite cheer” which I did. Heaping spoonfuls. (This is the same set of grandparents that let me add as much sugar to my cereal as I wanted. Including Raisin Bran! Yeah, they were cool.) I took a drink, and all I could taste was bitter, like a pecan pit. “Add more sugar, baby.” He finally stopped me at half the sugar bowl, and I gave the cup to my brother, who gladly slurped it down.

For many years, I never tried coffee again. Coffee flavored ice creams, coffee in pastries, any of it, made me gag. I figured I just took after Daddy, who hated the stuff too. Then, around the time he turned 40, he started drinking it too.  I thought it was part of a midlife crisis, because around that time he also started wearing jeans that already had a washed finish and quit looking for non-buttoned down collars on all his dress shirts.

About a month ago, one of the game night regulars, let’s call him Vonapier, came early. I was sitting around, mopey and bummed, and he said, “I know what will cheer you up! I’ll be right back!”

He ran to the store and came back with two Starbucks frappucinos. These were the bottled kind, which were basically coffee, sugar, and cream. One was mocha, and the other vanilla. “I want you to start drinking coffee, T.”

I have no idea why, but I took it as a challenge. It was something to do, right?  I have always liked the idea of being a connoisseur, and this was much cheaper than wine or cheese tasting classes.  Plus, it kept me going in the mornings, when I’m inclined to go back to bed many days lately.  Oh, but those frappucinos were gross, both flavors. But I tried to like them, and I ordered a coffee a couple of times when I needed a buzz in the mornings. I wasn’t sure what I was getting, though, and didn’t know how much sugar or cream to add to things at all. I’d drink maybe a quarter of the cup and then throw it out.

And then when Mom came up the next time, she stopped by a Starbuck’s and got a frozen frappucino. I ordered an iced green tea, which she made a weird face about and asked, “Isn’t that bitter?” After I laughed at her for drinking coffee and asking that question, she offered her drink up to try, and it was yummy! I’d overcome at least the aversion to the coffee taste! Woot!

I spent about a week making homemade frappes with instant coffee. But I knew I was making basically what amounted to a cheap milk slushy. So I broke down and bought a coffee maker and excitedly ground some of my very own Starbuck’s French Roast. Heck, I like dark chocolate, so I should like the bolder coffee, right?

Oh, wrong. So wrong! That crap tastes like ashes!!!  I can find no redeeming value for this junk.  It doesn’t even give the apartment that delicious coffee smell!  Instead, it smells like I burnt some fudge.

I didn’t dive in with my normal research like I should have, that’s for certain. I now know that the darker roast means, well, duh, that they roast the beans longer.  That translates to less coffee flavor and more smoke.  No wonder that stuff gagged me out and set me back to square one.  I’m cheap, though, so I’ve been trying to make do all week.  I’ve read up on how to brew the best pot of coffee in a home pot.  Brewing it right helped a lot, but it’s still insufferable.  I was adding… oh, 4, 5 teaspoons of sugar, and who knows how much half and half, and sometimes cocoa powder.  And I’m still holding my nose while drinking it.  Luckily for me, all the research I’ve done tells me I’m only supposed to keep coffee about a week before it goes stale.  So I have an excuse to try again.

Having done my reading, my next purchase is going to be the highly acclaimed Eight O’Clock 100% Colombian.  It’s been very highly rated, and is cheap.  The medium roast should allow me to taste the flavor of the beans and have that yummy smell I was expecting.  I hope so, because I’m actually leaning on the freeze-dried instant coffee I bought to make those first frappes lately.  And, sad to say, thanks to my need for caffeine, I’m starting to like the instant stuff.  It only takes one packet of Truvia or spoon of sugar and a spoon of half and half to be palatable.

So, all of you coffee experts, help!  Lay your best tips on me.  I’ve got to do something, before all my efforts at becoming a coffee snob actually turn me into someone who only likes junk coffee.

When I went off to college, most of my friends thought drinking coffee was super cool.  That wouldn’t have bothered me, but someone actually tried to pressure me with the sentence, “Everyone drinks coffee!”  Peer pressure is a major turn-off for me, for some reason.  Plus, it tastes disgusting, so I passed.  My husband even had coffee maker that I mocked him for, until he quit trying to like coffee himself.  Then I commandeered it to make Earl Grey and other forms of hot tea or herbal tisanes.

Game nights, which started around that same time, are the big consumption time of the week.  Even if it’s been beans and rice all week, we manage to pig out most weekends.  They have historically been alcohol free, though.  The youngest of the group just now turned 21, and my husband is definitely Lawful in his alignment.  Anyway, drinking doesn’t always make for the quickest thinking, and some of us are rather attached to our characters.  My characters would get naked a whole lot more if I drank on game nights.  Wooo!  Not that they don’t have plenty of opportunities anyway, but it might get to a distracting level.

Anyway, our beverage choices for years consisted of copious amounts of water, sweet tea, Dr. Pepper, Coke, and whatever anti-freeze colored drink we could consume to keep ourselves from crashing.  At some point, one of our more caffeinated friends started bringing energy drinks.  This has met with some entertaining results and memorable quotes, such as, “But it’s Jared’s fault.  He fed me strange caffeine!” and  “I’m so energetic now, I bet I could beat Michael Jackson at basketball!!”

Uh, yeah dude.  Bet you could.  This was at least a year ago, by the way.  It would be even more hilariously inappropriate now.

Anyway, it took a while for the boys to find an energy drink that was easy to come by and I would tolerate. I hate Red Bull and all the knockoffs.  There were grand experiments.  They tried agave flavored drinks since I do drink tequila on occasion.  Bleah.  Eventually, we discovered two that worked for me.  The passion fruit flavor of Sobe’s Adrenaline Rush combined  well with the caffeine bitter.  A close second was NOS, which is also passion fruity.

In addition to game night, I began to drink one of those choices or a 5 hour energy paired with a Coke to get me through double shifts of never sitting and always smiling when I worked at the Village Tavern.  Sarah pointed out in the comments yesterday that B vitamins can produce good results, too, so I should mention how much I really enjoyed the 5 Hour Energy.  The niacin flush is part of it, but I’m sure I look like a beet.  I’m the only redhead I know who gets the Asian flush after drinking half a drink.  It’s a bit embarrassing, but there it is. I’m very sanguine.  There is also a game around here wherein people get points for every time I blush.  I often win that game without even seriously competing.  I say the most wildly inappropriate things at times!

Also to respond to yesterday’s comments, Shadowhelm is exactly right, Mexican Coke made without corn syrup is delicious, yummy, scrumptious crackrock!  I rarely can find it, but when I do, it’s delicious and wonderful and I bet it might even be nutritious!  I could happily drink that every single day.  Not exactly a cheap solution, but one that definitely holds a temptation.  I will definitely seek it out the next time I’m in the Pig.

This is getting to be long.  I’ve got to spend some time with the kids, so I’ll pick up again later.  I’d never have guessed I had so much rambling in me on the subject of caffeine .  Maybe the oral fixation really is more pronounced than I realized. And trust me, I was aware of it before…

Caffeine is my friend. I truly feel a bit of euphoria in addition to the burst of energy. My thoughts line up so much more clearly and I stay on focus and motivated when I’ve had a Coke or two first thing in the morning. I always work out on days I’ve had a little something.  Of course, with that morning Coke comes a bit of heartburn and my teeth feel all gross. I’ve tried Sucralose based diet drinks because aspartame gives me migraines, but they’re hard to come by. Every time I cut out the daily Coke (or three) I lose ten pounds in a month.  Whether it’s from working out or from the calories, they’re the most important ten pounds, so I don’t want them.  They’re my psychological set point between New Hotness and Old and Busted.

I’m pretty much a lightweight, if you couldn’t tell by the fact that I referred to a caffeine buzz as euphoric. Caffeine and tequila are the hardest substances to pass my mouth… (Shhh.  I’m avoiding the obvious sex joke, mmkay?)  My pharmaceutical innocence notwithstanding, I realized one day I had an addiction. It was driving me nuts that Mondays were twice as hard because the Spousal Unit had been in the house over the weekend and usually all of my precious elixir was flat and gross or gone. The headaches and lethargy on days I skipped it were driving me nuts.  I didn’t want to live my life needing anything to get by.  I have about a day of withdrawal that’s pretty severe if I go cold turkey, but that’s what I did.  I went several months with very little caffeine, except for game nights.  Otherwise, the small amounts in my not very sweet mint tea were all I got.

As always, whenever I’m interested in anything, I did research.  I wanted my buzz that much, so I actually set out to prove to myself that it was beneficial to me.  And, of course, it turns out that many highly intelligent people who would otherwise be diagnosed with ADHD self-medicate with caffeine.  There’s plenty of doctors who actually suggest that people who think like I do simply start drinking coffee.  My addiction was based in Science!  Hooray!

For a while, I tried caffeine pills.   They’re the best delivery system so far, but, the caffeine comes all at once, and I actually get jittery.  I’ve tried green tea, too.  I actually love green tea, for the taste.  It’s got some buzz there, but just not enough for my needs.   So now, I’m in the process of acquiring the taste for coffee.  It’s rather late in life to make this decision, but there it is.  I’ve never set out to overcome a revulsion before.  It’s been interesting.  I’ll write more on learning to like coffee tomorrow.

Psychological profiling via Twitter!  It’s ultra-scientific! Here’s my TweetPsych profile, based on the 510 updates I’ve given so far. Of course, it would be more accurate if I were more experienced with Twitter.

“TweetPsych uses two linguistic analysis algorithms (RID and LIWC) to build a psychological profile of a person based on the content of their tweets. The service analyzes your last 1000 tweets and works best on users who have posted more than 1000 updates. It also works best on accounts that are operated by a single user and use Twitter in a conversational manner, rather than simply a content distribution platform. For more information read the blog post or follow the creator Dan Zarrella“

Hmmm… very enlightening.  Don’t judge me!

It’s a been a slow news day, but a tiny little adventure came to us at the start of the evening. As I was getting supper together, my kids started yelling, “There’s a peacock outside our window! There’s a peacock outside our window! There’s a peacock outside our window!”

The Spousal Unit and I looked at each other, shook our heads, Naaah… and went into their room. I noticed that someone had newly decorated the windows with dark blue crayon and immediately started asking about that, as Hubby told them, “Those are people, sillies, not peacocks.  Now it’s time to wash up for… oh!  Look straight down!  There’s a peacock outside their window!”

The zoo is in our neighborhood, so I assumed it came from there.  I called to see if someone would get it, but no go.  I looked up Animal Control, but couldn’t find the number.  So I finally settled on the police department.  A very bored man told me that it happens all the time, and the birds always return home eventually.  We should just leave it alone. A crowd was gathering outside our apartment.  It finally flew up on top of the carport to escape all the humans. 

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful week.

As long as I can remember, 47 has been my favorite number, though I never had any particular reason to be drawn to it.  There are now 47 posts on this blog. When I pair that fact with the bit of synchronicity from last week, I realize that the universe has informed me that it is time to write a tribute to the mystery of 47.

I’ve heard of other numbers having followers. I’ve heard there are many people who believe that seeing 11:11 means that the universe is trying to reveal something.  I found that idea very fascinating for a while, but I think the universe must not have anything very special to tell me just yet, since I never randomly look up and see elevens anywhere.  I know several people whose favorite number is 7.  Others pick 13, just to buck the system. But 47?!  47 is my number, I’d always felt it was unique.  Not so much.

Cruising the internet last week, I came across a link to Awkward Family Photos.  As I was giggling my way through the pages of the album, I saw that 47 apparently is an awkward number.  I had to read the comments on that one. They pointed me to the 47 Society’s webpage.  Disappointingly, it appears to be inactive, but I was intrigued, and kept researching.

According to the Ponoma College website, “In 1964, Professor of Mathematics Donald Bentley proved that all numbers are equal to 47.” I feel so vindicated, because that’s exactly how I use it!  Now I’ll know I’m not really exaggerating, as 47 is accurate at all times.

Furthermore, the fascination with the number 47 infected the Star Trek universe.  The number 47 has featured prominently in episodes from The Next Generation’s fourth season forward, because of writer Joe Menosky.  He is a Ponoma graduate, and wrote for TNG, Deep Space Nine and Voyager.  The inclusion of 47 in these series has been tracked obsessively.  Rick Berman was a fellow writer during some of these episodes, and joked about the inclusion, “47 is 42, corrected for inflation.”  Squee!  A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference wrapped up in a shiny Star Trek coating!

I really wonder now if my subconscious got some programming from watching so much Star Trek, or if it’s truly just coincidental.  Will I turn into this guy?