It’s too much stress to even try lying to myself about the novel.  Not real confident about the bloggy posty either, but hey, I haven’t blown that completely yet. Even if all that’s getting posted right now is random thoughts, I think that I’ve read enough other NaBloPoMo posts that are of the same level that I can forgive myself for that.

Friends will be here in an hour, and I’m excited but I’m also wound up tight.  I’ll try and chill for a few days and just quit with the fidgetfidget nervousness, which will probably all smooth out once they’re here.

Oh, that reminds me that over Turkey Day, I’m supposed to cheer up my Granny who got something prescribed “for her nerves”.  Since I’m the level headed and grounded one. It’s funny ’cause, sadly, it’s true.  Laughter is good for the soul, right?

And it’s late in the evening, and I’m short on time.  So, for this monumental event, I’ll share with you the oddest thing I saw all day.

I’m a Capricorn.  And this is creepy.

Did you know there was a Minnesota Association of Rogue Taxidermists?  Well, you do now.

It starts tonight! If you can watch it, do so! We had been planning on driving up to the north a little bit, perhaps into the mountains, to see what we could see. I even marked my calendar for this event, too. Of course, there’s a gigantic cloud cover blanketing all of Alabama for all of tonight. Even though the chance of rain is only 30%, that cloud cover is predicted to hang around roughly til time for the sun to come up.

The kids have school tomorrow, but who cares? One of my first memories was being woken up in the wee hours of the morning to watch a lunar eclipse. Other important events my mom didn’t want me to miss, despite my inconvenient sleep schedule include the signing of the Camp David Accords and the wedding of Charles and Di, but those things really didn’t mean anything to me. They just annoyed me because they interfered with my sleep.

If you’re outside of the Alabama cloud cover, you might want to take advantage of this opportunity. The most active time is predicted to be around 5:30 CST, so hopefully some people actually will get to see it. We’re travelling through enough space debris that the predictions are for 30 meteors an hour in North America. Asia should get an even better show. Let me know if you see anything! I hate that we’ll miss it, but there’s still a chance that there will be some more activity tomorrow.

Please do not come up to me, ask if my hair is natural, and then follow me around, trying to touch it.  Just tell me that my hair is pretty, and that will be sufficient to make me smile.  Really.

Also, please do not talk to me or approach me in any way when I’m at the ATM.  I will not take it the right way, ever.

Unisom = Benadryl = Diphenhydramine HCl.  Why people are willing to pay different prices for the different packages is beyond me.  Also, Sudaphed PE?  Not pseudoephedrine.  I guess it’s fooling somebody, but not me.  I’ll continue to buy the stuff they make meth out of, thanks.  Because it works.  Not as well as other outlawed drugs that I should totally be allowed to take if I felt the risks outweighed the benefits.  But better than that stuff you try to pawn off as Sudafed.  That stuff actually makes me dizzy but does nothing for my sniffles.

And most importantly:  Remember, remember, the 5th of November.  It’s Guy Fawkes Day, which I remembered, then forgot, but Honu-Girl tweeted about it and made me smile.

Back to school has been going pretty decently, but now I’ve decided to kick things up a notch or three.  I keep telling you all I neglect the writing portion.  I suspect that, as usual, that’s because I have something I really want to say and am avoiding the real clarity writing can give.

Earlier this fall, Chris asked if I wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month.  I have always scoffed at NaNoWriMo, because every year tens of thousands of people sign up to write stuff and just don’t.  Or they do, and flood publishers with crappy drafts of novels that mean that good novels don’t see the light of day.  Or any other number of cynical, jaded things that someone who once aspired to be a writer can think of to talk herself out of actually doing something.  So I almost laughed at him, but he was actually asking for moral support while he wrote this month.  I can’t laugh at that.  That boy has libraries of books inside him, waiting to be written.  He’s even got them all mapped out, if he’d just do it.

I, on the other hand, get hung up whenever I try to write anything big or fictional.  I get hung up on the whole story arc concept, and want to know what is happening ahead of time.  I get stressed out. I make characters I love and then don’t know what to do with them. I freeze.  Plus, today my neck decided that the old injury would flare up, and I spent a large part of the day in bed.  And why did they choose this month for these things anyway?!  Aaah.  I guess December would be slightly more challenging, but not by much. Plus, other excuses.  Lots of them.

So, when Heather blogged today about NaBloPoMo (National Blog Post Month) I immediately thought, Yay, compromise! The idea of nablopomo is based on NaNoWriMo, but isn’t really restricted to only November.  But I think I can commit to a blog post a day, though Thanksgiving week is kind of iffy, being at Granny’s and having company in from out of town.  May have to do a few in advance, or just write something very short and sweet for those days.  So in other ways, it’s even more of a commitment, because I’m not going to be given any slacker time.

The short of the story is that I’m tentatively committing to both.  After all, can’t you tell I’m bristling with self-confidence?  Might as well.

What is up with the only titles I can come up with being from songs? I guess it’s a side effect of that music binge I spoke of yesterday.

Today, I’m a monomaniac, so I guess I’ll just have to write about what is on my mind.  All that is occupying my thoughts is the newest of my obsessions, the Lucchese L7000:

I found them this morning, on a rabbit trail after looking online for local suppliers of Doc Martens.  They’re hand made, and come in narrows, and just look at them!! Oh, there’s other boots on the Lucchese site that I love, but do you see that shooting star?! And look at the pretty chocolate brown color and the detail that’s perfectly simple.  No one else will even think of wearing them, either.  The reviews for Luchesse boots all rave about how they’re absolutely comfortable, and even more beautiful in person.  I’m convinced that these sensuous, decadent boots were made for me.

Yes, I have a shoe thing, and also a leather thing. But usually, there’s no commitment or drive. I like looking, and I can be fine without touching. These boots are different. I intend to own these boots, and not one day when I’m a grownup.  They are as good as mine, I’m telling you all right now.  I’ve never spent more than $120 at a time for anything that goes on my feet, and that’s my New Balances.  These run from $550-$700, depending on the vendor, and will serve as the perfect tangible incentive to get my butt in gear and make some excess money.  I’m not going to blow any of the budget on these puppies, no matter how my feet ache for them, so I really am going to have to get cracking.

Wow, interesting how much spam the title “Homeschooling Myself” attracted.  That may have been a record.

This weekend, I went over to a friend’s house and four of us did a lot of canning.  We made pickles, pickled eggs, and pickled beets.  I haven’t tried the last two, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.  In theory, I should love pickled eggs, at least.  I love eggs and everything that went into them.  I’m still scared, though!  We also made some jam.  We had to improvise, because we didn’t quite have enough berries.  We rounded the fruit table out with some grapes.  The jam appears to be a loose set, but that only makes it more versatile, right?  It can be either jam or syrup this way.

Aren't they pretty?

I’m very glad I went.  When I originally got the email, I almost declined, simply because I’m tending to be reclusive right now.  Prying myself out of the house generally ends up to be a good idea, but when social settings are involved,  I worry that I’ll make people uncomfortable if the subject gets too personal.  But these friends have been very understanding and treating me like I’m still a normal person, not a contagious leper.  They talk to me, and ask how I’m doing in a way that tells me I can talk if I need to, or not.  Also, this type of adventure in kitchen science are my type of domesticity.

Trying new foods is always fun.  I told the girls that I drew the line at pickled pigs’ feet, though.  Those things smell rank.  I am really a very finicky eater, so it took a long time for me to become adventurous.  I used to be the kid who took Burger King into the Chinese restaurant because even the compromise food – tempura chicken – yicked me.  Now in my wise old age, I’ve learned that the more new things I try, the more I discover I like.  It’s easier to avoid the common food that disgusts me if there’s some alternative I can find.

Learning how to do something from scratch is something I put a high value on, too.  Soap is next on my list of things to learn.  Yes, often I’ll learn how to do something, and decide it’s too much trouble to do on my own.  Tortillas are a good example of that.  I have friends who swear tortillas are easy, but I’ll save myself the 6 hours of rise time and spend $1.50 at the store.  No matter what, it’s still worth the learning. I mean, the apocalypse is right around the corner! Anyone with any brains knows the fate of the world is in the hands of the Mayan calendar, after all.  And I’ll be the merchant who is able to provide paper, yogurt, crackers, body lotion, and scarves to the poor souls that survive.

Years ago, I came across a nifty website.   Users can create their own Johari window, which is a psychological tool that helps map a person’s personality. I saved the link to mine as a bookmark.

Originally, this was something I did just for fun, like any of the myriad Meyers-Briggs Star Trek tests.  (I’m usually an INTP, which is Worf.)  As time has passed, I’ve found it to be more powerful than most Internet memes.  Even though only 6 people participated at that time, and it hasn’t been updated since 2006 or so, it’s been a very helpful to keep around.  I’ve been told repeatedly that my self image is skewed.  I’ve looked at the words I chose for myself, and I still think they all apply.  But this is how others see me.

Lately my self esteem has taken a beating.  No matter how self-aware I try to be, I don’t ever see the whole picture. The visual aid really helps to bring perspective, and that Blind Spot is especially informative. Feeling weak and helpless is quite common for me, but other people think otherwise.  Just knowing that helps me tap into that strength.

Interestingly, there’s also at least one trait in that blind spot that I don’t believe is accurate at all. That reminds me that some people will see what they want to, whether or not it’s there.  So I try to respect other people’s opinions, and can use their views of me to help me have a fresh perspective.  I just have to remember not to be tempted to define myself by other people’s views.

Dominant Traits

66% of people agree that LadyGlutter is intelligent

All Percentages

able (16%) accepting (16%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (16%) calm (0%) caring (50%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (16%) confident (0%) dependable (16%) dignified (0%) energetic (33%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (16%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (16%) ingenious (16%) intelligent (66%) introverted (16%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (50%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (16%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (16%) proud (16%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (16%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (16%) sensible (0%) sentimental (33%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (16%) tense (0%) trustworthy (33%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (16%)

Feel free to contribute to my window, or send me a link to yours. If you’re thick-skinned and truly looking for self discovery, you could always try out the Nohari window. That’s the darker, more critical version. Fun stuff!

When I went off to college, most of my friends thought drinking coffee was super cool.  That wouldn’t have bothered me, but someone actually tried to pressure me with the sentence, “Everyone drinks coffee!”  Peer pressure is a major turn-off for me, for some reason.  Plus, it tastes disgusting, so I passed.  My husband even had coffee maker that I mocked him for, until he quit trying to like coffee himself.  Then I commandeered it to make Earl Grey and other forms of hot tea or herbal tisanes.

Game nights, which started around that same time, are the big consumption time of the week.  Even if it’s been beans and rice all week, we manage to pig out most weekends.  They have historically been alcohol free, though.  The youngest of the group just now turned 21, and my husband is definitely Lawful in his alignment.  Anyway, drinking doesn’t always make for the quickest thinking, and some of us are rather attached to our characters.  My characters would get naked a whole lot more if I drank on game nights.  Wooo!  Not that they don’t have plenty of opportunities anyway, but it might get to a distracting level.

Anyway, our beverage choices for years consisted of copious amounts of water, sweet tea, Dr. Pepper, Coke, and whatever anti-freeze colored drink we could consume to keep ourselves from crashing.  At some point, one of our more caffeinated friends started bringing energy drinks.  This has met with some entertaining results and memorable quotes, such as, “But it’s Jared’s fault.  He fed me strange caffeine!” and  “I’m so energetic now, I bet I could beat Michael Jackson at basketball!!”

Uh, yeah dude.  Bet you could.  This was at least a year ago, by the way.  It would be even more hilariously inappropriate now.

Anyway, it took a while for the boys to find an energy drink that was easy to come by and I would tolerate. I hate Red Bull and all the knockoffs.  There were grand experiments.  They tried agave flavored drinks since I do drink tequila on occasion.  Bleah.  Eventually, we discovered two that worked for me.  The passion fruit flavor of Sobe’s Adrenaline Rush combined  well with the caffeine bitter.  A close second was NOS, which is also passion fruity.

In addition to game night, I began to drink one of those choices or a 5 hour energy paired with a Coke to get me through double shifts of never sitting and always smiling when I worked at the Village Tavern.  Sarah pointed out in the comments yesterday that B vitamins can produce good results, too, so I should mention how much I really enjoyed the 5 Hour Energy.  The niacin flush is part of it, but I’m sure I look like a beet.  I’m the only redhead I know who gets the Asian flush after drinking half a drink.  It’s a bit embarrassing, but there it is. I’m very sanguine.  There is also a game around here wherein people get points for every time I blush.  I often win that game without even seriously competing.  I say the most wildly inappropriate things at times!

Also to respond to yesterday’s comments, Shadowhelm is exactly right, Mexican Coke made without corn syrup is delicious, yummy, scrumptious crackrock!  I rarely can find it, but when I do, it’s delicious and wonderful and I bet it might even be nutritious!  I could happily drink that every single day.  Not exactly a cheap solution, but one that definitely holds a temptation.  I will definitely seek it out the next time I’m in the Pig.

This is getting to be long.  I’ve got to spend some time with the kids, so I’ll pick up again later.  I’d never have guessed I had so much rambling in me on the subject of caffeine .  Maybe the oral fixation really is more pronounced than I realized. And trust me, I was aware of it before…

Caffeine is my friend. I truly feel a bit of euphoria in addition to the burst of energy. My thoughts line up so much more clearly and I stay on focus and motivated when I’ve had a Coke or two first thing in the morning. I always work out on days I’ve had a little something.  Of course, with that morning Coke comes a bit of heartburn and my teeth feel all gross. I’ve tried Sucralose based diet drinks because aspartame gives me migraines, but they’re hard to come by. Every time I cut out the daily Coke (or three) I lose ten pounds in a month.  Whether it’s from working out or from the calories, they’re the most important ten pounds, so I don’t want them.  They’re my psychological set point between New Hotness and Old and Busted.

I’m pretty much a lightweight, if you couldn’t tell by the fact that I referred to a caffeine buzz as euphoric. Caffeine and tequila are the hardest substances to pass my mouth… (Shhh.  I’m avoiding the obvious sex joke, mmkay?)  My pharmaceutical innocence notwithstanding, I realized one day I had an addiction. It was driving me nuts that Mondays were twice as hard because the Spousal Unit had been in the house over the weekend and usually all of my precious elixir was flat and gross or gone. The headaches and lethargy on days I skipped it were driving me nuts.  I didn’t want to live my life needing anything to get by.  I have about a day of withdrawal that’s pretty severe if I go cold turkey, but that’s what I did.  I went several months with very little caffeine, except for game nights.  Otherwise, the small amounts in my not very sweet mint tea were all I got.

As always, whenever I’m interested in anything, I did research.  I wanted my buzz that much, so I actually set out to prove to myself that it was beneficial to me.  And, of course, it turns out that many highly intelligent people who would otherwise be diagnosed with ADHD self-medicate with caffeine.  There’s plenty of doctors who actually suggest that people who think like I do simply start drinking coffee.  My addiction was based in Science!  Hooray!

For a while, I tried caffeine pills.   They’re the best delivery system so far, but, the caffeine comes all at once, and I actually get jittery.  I’ve tried green tea, too.  I actually love green tea, for the taste.  It’s got some buzz there, but just not enough for my needs.   So now, I’m in the process of acquiring the taste for coffee.  It’s rather late in life to make this decision, but there it is.  I’ve never set out to overcome a revulsion before.  It’s been interesting.  I’ll write more on learning to like coffee tomorrow.