This week­end is my high school’s 20 year reunion, and I’m not going.

Yep. That’s how I feel.

The irony is that I’m prob­a­bly the rea­son they’re going to have a reunion in the first place. For a long time, I thought my class had a 10 year reunion and just didn’t invite me. I asked around on Face­book about any plans, and I was assured that we just didn’t have a 10 year because class lead­er­ship flaked. Part of me really wants to believe that, but the way peo­ple have treated me dur­ing plan­ning makes me think that maybe she’s just being nice.

I loved school, but the social side of it always sucked for me. I didn’t have a con­cen­tra­tion camp or star­va­tion child­hood, but it wasn’t great either. I hate going back to that town in gen­eral. Too many mem­o­ries. I spent most of this week in a very dark place, think­ing about my brother and lots of painful stuff that I tried to block out but just kept loop­ing in my head. That might be the tip­ping point, because this week I just don’t know that I’d be good com­pany hav­ing to go back to that ter­ri­ble town.

I was the class Vale­dic­to­rian, and hated and vil­i­fied the way nerds some­times are. I was socially and phys­i­cally bul­lied from Kinder­garten through 12th Grade. I didn’t go to prom because I wasn’t allowed. I drove by in my Lit­tle Caesar’s uni­form to say hey to my friends in their pretty dresses and pine for the one chance I’d have to wear a for­mal gown to a spiffy party. (Wed­dings don’t count, and I never have and prob­a­bly never will get to wear a for­mal gown any­where ever.) I had very lit­tle free­dom before I was 16, and since I skipped a grade, that was really only a year of hav­ing any kind of abil­ity to social­ize even remotely, not that any­one but my boyfriend ever wanted me around.

I know for a fact (because it’s been hinted at in not very sub­tle fash­ion) that there are a few peo­ple can’t wait to see me and gloat over what a fail­ure I am. I’m so not a fail­ure, but I am also not about that Romy and Michelle crap, either. I have a good friend who felt it imper­a­tive that she be the “hottest” per­son at her reunion, and I think that’s a typ­i­cal reac­tion to these types of events and I’m try­ing to cut stress and tox­i­c­ity out of my life. I have very lit­tle rela­tion­ship with most of these peo­ple, and don’t really want to try and recre­ate con­nec­tions that I’m pretty sure never existed. I’ve already blocked quite a few on Face­book due to some real nastiness.

Maybe all of this sounds like Poor Me, but I really don’t feel sorry for myself at all. I did have some friends, but most of them in Band, and not in my grade. (If it were a Band reunion, I’d be there in a heart­beat.) There are a few peo­ple from my class I’d really like to see, but mostly those peo­ple aren’t going, either.

Maybe it sounds bit­ter. That is prob­a­bly closer to accu­rate, but I don’t get peo­ple who want to relive those days. If school was your life’s glory time, then I really feel like you might be liv­ing life wrong. Or maybe I’m just unkind and high school can be a won­der­ful place and John Hughes’ The Break­fast Club is actu­ally a good movie.

On Sat­ur­day, I’m going to enjoy a much bet­ter option. I won’t sit at home and mope or rumi­nate about how I made the wrong choice. I’m going to an Inklings meet­ing with peo­ple I do know and love, and maybe some peo­ple I don’t know yet, but even there, we’ll be talk­ing about top­ics I relate to (lit­er­a­ture, gam­ing, par­ent­ing, music, sci­ence!) rather than dick-sizing about who is most suc­cess­ful. Plus, I really loved The Lies of Locke Lam­ora and can’t wait to talk to other peo­ple who did, too!

 

One Response to My 20 Year Reunion

  1. Jeff says:

    I skipped my 20th even though it was only a few miles from the house. The main rea­son I skipped was because I just didn’t see a point. The peo­ple from that era of my life that I want to be in con­tact with I am already in con­tact with. The rest of it just seems point­less to me. I’d much rather have a reunion with the peo­ple I went to col­lege with as they are more likely to be my friends rather than a bunch of peo­ple I was thrown into the mix with due to state and fed­eral law.

    It seems to me reunions do noth­ing but make peo­ple stress out and pro­vide oppor­tu­ni­ties for peo­ple to mea­sure them­selves against other peo­ple that have no bear­ing on their cur­rent, adult life. I say every­one should stop going to these things as well as being a part of orga­niz­ing them. What good to they bring to life?

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