2010 Reboot
After that last whiny pity party of a post, I didn’t even want to look at this effing blog anymore. (My hand still hurts, by the way, but it’s no longer purple or ginormous.) I decided to just wait until things felt right again, because I felt like it has been a platform for so much misery that it is painful even for ME to come out here. I know that people might be worried about me, writing a post like that and dropping off. I was so down in December. The holidays were brutal. So, Dear Readers, I figure it’s time to update you, and let you know that for the first time in a good while, I’m truly feeling great. I’m not just smiling in the mirror and waiting for the mood to match it, then seeing my own face and starting to cry. I’m actually forgetting about the damn mirror and living my own life again, and when I catch a glimpse of myself, it tends to be smirking or mischevious or in thought. That’s more honest than just a smile anyway, at least for me.
Right now I’m focused on a job search and getting some things in order, so it’s going to be spotty, but I feel so much more like ME and I want to express some of that again. So, here I am. Time for another reboot. I know many people hate New Year’s Resolutions and the like, but it’s a natural time to reevaluate for me. My birthday, my wedding anniversary, and the New Year all come within three weeks of each other. It’s a time of looking over the past year, seeing what has happened, and how to continue that path if it’s working, or to change it, if it’s not. I didn’t really consciously decide to change my attitude, though I’ve been trying to work on it steadily, but a switch seemed to flip for me on the last day of the year. The emotional significance on making it through the year strengthened me, and all the whining and misery kind of dropped off. Yeah, since then I’ve had bad moments, but mostly I’ve felt confident and optimistic again.
I wanted to start 2010 off with a bang, and I really managed to do most of what I wanted. No fireworks, but there was a gorgeous round full moon the night of New Year’s Eve. It was a blue moon and an eclipse was visible on the other side of the world, to boot. My year would be starting with beauty.
On New Year’s Day, we had the traditional collards, black eyed peas, and I even added cabbage in this year for good measure. I wore a pretty new sweater, to show I wanted more of the same. I didn’t do any cleaning at all — so as not to sweep the good luck out, and also not to spend the rest of the year cleaning up messes. I had friends over, and we had a good time. The luck and money gods have not been slighted this year. Hopefully they will reward me with heaps of green stuff and luck in my endeavors.
I think there really is something to starting the year off like that. While the charms and tokens might not in and of themselves bring the good luck, the attitude will, I truly believe. If I start out thinking, “2010 is going to suck as hard as 2009 did” — a FaceBook status I’d already read twice by noon January first — then the prophecy might be self-fulfilled. Yes, I know that the arena of uncontrollables is out there, waiting to zap me. I’m all too aware. But I’ve sustained a good half a month of really good days. I expect more to come.
That’s great T. I’m sort getting the same feeling you have. Been feeling good since the New year, and now that we have a car again, I feel I need to work harder, and actually look towards my future. XD. Because I up till recently haven’t really felt like there was much of a rush. So, I was taking things lightly and essentially coasting through. Then I started thinking about what some of my goals where and what I would have to do in order to get there. I came to realize that I’ve already missed out on almost 4 years now. Four years that I could have done better or tried harder towards my goals. But, now that I know I’ve been slacking I’m going to do better to get myself in the right frame of mind. I know this seems a little off, but this Blog made me want to say this, and I feel that you optimistic outlook is helping me know that I can see somewhat more clearly. I do have to say I truly love all my friends and family that have been there for me, and for those that are pushing me the right way.
Sounds good! There’s nothing like riding a wave of positive emotions. Ride that wave all the way to the sunny shores LG, and then do it all again!