Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Continuing on with what I’ve learned from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we reach the Habit I’m personally struggling with the most right now. If Stephen Covey is right that each of these habits builds on the last one, then I’ve got a long way to go, because #2 and #3 (Put first things first) are really where I know I get stuck. Of course, since this is my greatest lack, this is also where the book was the most useful for me.
Indecision is probably my biggest weakness. I didn’t need a book to tell me that part. I try to make it a strength, by using the time that I hesitate to explore all possible options, eliminate pitfalls, and psyching myself up. Once I’ve made a decision, I tend to apply my entire being towards achieving my goals. Having a goal is a lot easier to plan than flitting about aimlessly. But how do I decide what “end” I want? There are many suggestions in this chapter to help find this ultimate goal in life, from imagining my own funeral to writing out a personal mission statement. The crux of the matter is that to truly be effective at anything, the first step is to discern what is truly important. What is my life supposed to be about, and is my life really reflective of those values?
I haven’t officially written a personal mission statement, but I have spent a great deal of time journaling in the past few years, exploring “what I want to do with my life.” Indecision has always plagued me, partly because that question seems to only relate to a career path. While that is one of the large defining aspects of most people’s lives, being a stay at home Mom for so many years has clouded the issue with emotion. Covey’s way of looking at the issue helps tremendously. Though I know it intellectually, this satisfies my emotional response that bucks against it simply being about a career. In fact, a broader definition will aid me in reaching the goals I want to achieve. By actually thinking it through and deciding what principles I believe in and can exemplify, I’m no longer doomed to drift along, indecisive, trying to pick the best path moment to moment based on what’s likely to be around the next bend. I can pick my course more consciously with a long term end in mind. Every day I can work towards the integrated whole, rather than trying to convince myself to pursue disjointed goals that don’t truly resonate with my entire vision, but just seem to be what I ought to do next.
I also don’t have to pick one path or the other if my goals are seemingly divergent, but really are flowing towards the same end.I can create new solutions that fit this new end, rather than settle for simply “Mom” or a given career path. Obviously, I want to leave a legacy for my children, but also for the world. I want to have an indomitable spirit that perseveres through everything. I want to be courageous, and inspire courage in others. I want to be kind, and strong, and loving. I want to touch the sky, and teach others they can, too. By beginning with a proper end in mind, one that really speaks to me, I can effectively put my life into order properly to achieve that goal.
I have trouble with this habit, as well. I have a tendency to either see too far into some dreamlike future or to only see what’s right in front of me. I’ve gotten better about this, knowing that I need to have goals to achieve, and trying to set them, but I still couch the whole thing in words like “try”.
You know what I have to say to that, don’t you?
Hint: It’s a lot better quote than “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”
“Do, or do not. There is no try.”
Foisted!