Exactly. The Feminine Mystique has a section on housework annecdotes that has always struck with me. Friedan’s thesis for it was that work expands to fill the time alloted. With the advent of post-war time saving devices, there was a gap there– took less time to do what HAD to be done. So little things crept in to make up the difference and pretty soon they had to be done as well. Like one woman changed the linens every day. New sheets, pillowcases on all the beds, every day and I assume everyone used fresh towels and washcloths every day. And then, when it got to be too much to do that on top of the rest of the mounting must-dos, she retreated and decided that that was one thing she could not give up. She could not run a house where people slept on the same sheets more than one night. It was “dirty.”

That, more than anything, helped me come to terms with the resentment. Although it’s creeping back in, very quickly, as our newlywed division of labor breaks down more and more.

That resentment is what I’m trying to tackle, really. I have it, too, big time. I wonder, if these older generations are so much neater because they had so much to do to keep their houses clean, that now it’s so easy to them. I know they certainly tell me I’ve got it simple, but then again, while my Granny was washing hamburger, Chris’ was ironing baby socks! So it seems they also created a bunch of work for themselves that was just unnecessary, and that blows a hole in my whole theory.

My brother and I were talking about this the other day, and what a revelation it is to us that we didn’t have to live in utter madness. He said, “Sissy, did you realize, that when your house is clean, life is so easy? I mean, someone can knock on your door and you don’t step out onto the front porch for fear they see what you live like…”

I just want the kids to realize that before they’re 30. Oh, and Chris — I feel like the whole house is our “workspace” and I don’t need the headache of digging through crap just to find something.

I really just don’t care too much as long as the place is comfortable to live in and junk isn’t in the way (junk = dishes, clothes, papers, etc.). Teresa’s much neater than me, and always has been. I don’t go out of my way to be messy, and I clean up after myself, but I’m not about to let mess be a stress, one way or the other. The only place I like it neat, like, everything generally has a place and I have a clean area, is my workspace, both at work and at home. I don’t need the headache of digging through crap just to find something when I’m “on task”. I think that’s more the exception that proves the rule, though.

Now, when push comes to shove, my military heritage means that when I have to I can knock out cleaning house like gangbusters. I’m really good at it, but it really just doesn’t matter all that much to me.

I wouldn’t call my mom a neat freak, but she did run a tight ship. Moreover, she really instilled within me a deep and abiding resentment for housework. Every Saturday, we’d get up and have to clean the whole house. Not sure where my Dad was, maybe cleaning the cars or something, but I never saw him participate. We would go through phases where we had a cleaning lady, but they never lasted very long. So as we were doing all this cleaning, there was a serious atmosphere of anger. Work 40+ hours outside the home, then come home and do most of the work inside it, too. While the set-up I have is a bit more egalitarian, only a little so.

I would like to be a better housekeeper. But I’m so lazy and have all these resentments.