Are you a good housekeeper?  I need some good housekeepers to mentor me, and teach me how to pass that trait on to my children.  My mom is lousy at it, but her mom is a neat freak and germophobe. I suppose Mom’s a pendulum swing, because Granny is so extreme that she washes her ground beef twice before cooking it to “get the blood out.”  Hamburgers aren’t really her best meal.  On the other hand, my dad is all about being organized and he’s fairly clean.   My mom’s disorder seemed to dominate the house, though.

When I started dating Chris, I saw this pattern again.  I used to detail my car once a week, and I had a day for every chore in the house.  The first time I saw the inside of his car, I freaked out — where was I supposed to sit?  He assured me it was supposed to be somewhere on top of all those Dr. Pepper cans. I suggested I drive.  But within a year of hanging around him, I was utterly corrupted.  That is to say, my precious Cavalier was just as junky as his.   How did it happen? I’ve never quite understood that transformation, but it’s there.

For the next decade and a half, I’ve been on a quest to get back to that natural cleanliness. I find my brain feels cluttered when my environment is.  My strong drive to work and produce doesn’t translate very well in my household. My enthusiasm is nil as long as the kitchen and bathroom are basically hygienic.  I do have a brand new Dyson vacuum though, which has been a source of inspiration.  Dysons are a nifty bagless design, and I love that part of it.  Something about being able to see how nasty each room got in the three days since the last vacuuming makes me oddly excited, too.

This week, my 7 year old asked me about an allowance.  Generally when he has been given money in the past, I’ve been the one to keep up with it, so I’d just distribute money on an “as needed” basis.  I decided to seize the opportunity.  If they can do their part in keeping the house clear of their clutter, it will go a long way.  I’d love to cut out those weekly torture sessions when we all work on their room for a couple of hours.  Quite frankly, where it stands with us now is unacceptable, so I’m trying this. I don’t like nagging them, and closing their door at all times so I don’t know about the mess isn’t working either.  I surely am not about to clean up their messes, because I feel that would be teaching them laziness and irresponsibility.

We made out a chart with a daily checklist.  Everyday, they have 12 points to check off on their list, plus a section for “bonus points” that will come from me not having to nag, extra good behavior, or other things.  I plan to be generous with the bonus points when their attitude is good.  Each item on the list is worth a penny.  Since they were asking for a dime a week, they feel that having the potential to earn a whole dollar every week is amazing.  So far, it’s working.  I haven’t had to do very much reminding.  I’ll just chirp, “I’m going to make my bed now,” and my kids actually get excited and tackle their own.

Any thoughts?  Strangely enough, I hear people talking about housework all the time.  I guess that’s because it’s common to all people.  Still, I rarely think to pick people’s brains about it. I know at least a couple of really stellar housekeepers read this blog, and a couple of slobs, too.  What’s your philosophy towards housework?  Are my attempts at encouraging my kids to be a bit more tidy doomed to failure?  Is there a better way to go about it that I haven’t considered?

It’s a been a slow news day, but a tiny little adventure came to us at the start of the evening. As I was getting supper together, my kids started yelling, “There’s a peacock outside our window! There’s a peacock outside our window! There’s a peacock outside our window!”

The Spousal Unit and I looked at each other, shook our heads, Naaah… and went into their room. I noticed that someone had newly decorated the windows with dark blue crayon and immediately started asking about that, as Hubby told them, “Those are people, sillies, not peacocks.  Now it’s time to wash up for… oh!  Look straight down!  There’s a peacock outside their window!”

The zoo is in our neighborhood, so I assumed it came from there.  I called to see if someone would get it, but no go.  I looked up Animal Control, but couldn’t find the number.  So I finally settled on the police department.  A very bored man told me that it happens all the time, and the birds always return home eventually.  We should just leave it alone. A crowd was gathering outside our apartment.  It finally flew up on top of the carport to escape all the humans. 

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful week.

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey introduces a concept he calls P/PC Balance. P is short for Production, PC for Production Capability. He uses Aesop’s fable of the goose who laid the golden eggs to demonstrate it. The farmer, wanting more eggs (P), unwisely kills his goose (PC) and never gets another egg. There are different kinds of PC — machinery, people, money — but all of them must be respected and maintained if any production is going to occur.

I’ve experienced firsthand being the slaughtered goose. The last paying job I had was as a coordinator for a local restaurant. I believed in the company, and took pride in my job, despite the fact that it was only a part time gig that was to help stretch the budget until money wasn’t so tight. My employer respected me, and even though there were tense times, I was given raises and excellent evaluations. Then, as is normal in the hospitality industry, management shifted.

My new store manager inherited a staff that was hardworking, with a surprisingly low turnover rate for being a restaurant. Immediately, he started changing things, without explaining the whys or listening to anyone’s input. When people tried to explain to him how things worked he would simply answer that he had 20+ years experience, what could we tell him?  I remember distinctly trying to tell him he had staffed the entire restaurant wrong on a weekend. I gently tried to explain to him that Birmingham, AL runs its fall Saturdays around Auburn and Alabama football, and that he had placed his light crew on the wrong shift. We would be slammed when the games weren’t playing, and dead when they were. He told me he had looked at the previous years traffic for that weekend, and it told a different story — we would be busy in the evening. I asked him had he compared it to the football schedule. He scoffed and said, “Like that matters. It never did in Atlanta, and that’s only an hour away. I think I know more about both managing a restaurant and football than you do.”

Yes, oh Great One. Of course my prediction was right! The kitchen and the waitstaff crashed during the predicted rush. This was just one example of the way he treated his employees who were familiar with the customer base, and the restaurant, on a daily basis.

I tried to ignore him, and do my job to the best of my abilities despite him. After all, this was a part time job, just to make ends meet, right? I didn’t need all of that drama, and he wasn’t worth my time.  Finally, so many people quit that he began overworking me (“I know you’re supposed to be part time, and this is 12 days of work in a row, but you’re one of the ONLY people who can do it!”) I couldn’t avoid him anymore.  In addition, he continued to show me very little appreciation or respect.  I got frazzled, and began losing my temper more often.  I wasn’t seeing my family enough.

Eventually, I asked for a raise to compensate for it all.  There was a lot of drama involved, because he did some very underhanded things that were against company policy.  But I was prepared to negotiate, because I really believed in this restaurant.  I felt bad for my manager, too, as he was having personal issues that he certainly made no secret of, and was dealing with a floundering restaurant. I really did not click with the guy, but I tried to show him compassion and work it out.

Then he laid the killing blow on this goose’s neck.  We were almost to a meeting place.  He had said a lot of things, some of which I appreciated and others that reminded me that there was no drug testing at my job and maybe he was just on crack.  Then he told me, “You see, the thing is, we’re just people, but this place will go on even if you quit.  This restaurant, this business, is bigger than you.  It’s bigger than me.”

!!!!

He had already told me I was replaceable, which I had conceded.  Other people could do my job — most of them not as well, but I wouldn’t end the restaurant if I walked out.  I accepted that.  But I value myself way higher than any place where people go to eat, drink, and be merry.  I’m a person.  However anyone would value an organization above the individuals that comprise it boggled me.  I even made him repeat it, and asked did he really believe that.  He did.  If he thought he was smaller than a restaurant, more power to him.  But I personally, am much more valuable than that.  I said so and left, completely at peace with my decision.

Stephen Covey tells us that “the PC principle is to always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.“  That store manager didn’t last much longer than I did, but he managed to drive quite a few quality employees off before he came to a “mutual decision with management that it was in both parties best interest that he resign.”  Today, that restaurant is doing just fine, much better even, without him. I’m sure he’d somehow think that only proved his point.  I’m just not that tiny.

School’s out for summer!  Who knows what this will mean for my schedule? I plan many things, but often they are undermined by tricky life. I may be more erratic than usual over the next few months, or I may find that not having to interrupt the flow of my day to meet an 8-3 schedule means that I get more time to write. We’ll see.

Often issues come up that I consider discussing pertaining to my family, parenting, school systems, or religion.  Even though I want to hear other points of view, I am leery of exposing my children in any but the most broad terms. Recently, a local deleted most of her longstanding blog because online persona was directly affecting her children’s lives.  I didn’t read the offending post, but apparently she vented her spleen about something, expecting the anonymity of the ‘net to protect her children, and moved on.  Apparently some very loving and Christ-like Christians (ahem) somehow took it out on her children.

This was one of my worst apprehensions about starting up a blog.  Oftentimes I don’t feel I can be really open about certain issues, so I avoid them. When I want to talk about parenting, or being an at-home Mom trying to work out the particulars of going back to school and work while keeping her place in the family as the coordinator and manager, I always decide against talking on those things.  If I want to talk about my struggles with being surrounded by a fundamentalist Christian family that I feel is overwhelmingly intolerant at times, I cringe.  Certain topics are just taboo in my mind.  I don’t want to inflict any pain on my children because some close-minded people of any stripe decided to use me against my children.  I know that game, because I was introduced to it as a child.

I know I could deal with my family finding the site, but it’s the strangers who would judge me with only this blog to go on, and punish my children as a result.  I know that it’s very easy to “out” someone on the internet, and I’ve been fairly open about my real life identity.  My Facebook and Twitter accounts, which both have real pictures of me, are linked to this website. At times I wonder if I should cut all those little strings leading up to me, but I know that there will still be a trail, somewhere.

Seeing SJ’s blog go down for the sake of her children gives me pause.  While I understand completely why she packed away her writings for a later time, I do think it’s a shame.  More diversity, especially in such a homogenous community, incites conversation and understanding.  So, if I’m disappointed that SJ closed her blog down, I feel like I should not be a hypocrite and feel free to talk more openly about parenting and religion. On the other hand, is it possible to be open and honest without it biting me?

Yes, it’s up and running.  Chris finalized the first blog post last night.  The forums are there too, but they haven’t seen much action just yet. Chris has introduced the Player Characters involved in our current roleplaying campaign.  I know he’d enjoy feedback as to what you’re interested in reading about, and how you feel he misrepresented your characters’ true natures.

Head over there and be one of those rare people who will be able to say, “Oh, I’ve been following Kuralia since Chris made his first blog post, back in 2009.”

As long as I can remember, 47 has been my favorite number, though I never had any particular reason to be drawn to it.  There are now 47 posts on this blog. When I pair that fact with the bit of synchronicity from last week, I realize that the universe has informed me that it is time to write a tribute to the mystery of 47.

I’ve heard of other numbers having followers. I’ve heard there are many people who believe that seeing 11:11 means that the universe is trying to reveal something.  I found that idea very fascinating for a while, but I think the universe must not have anything very special to tell me just yet, since I never randomly look up and see elevens anywhere.  I know several people whose favorite number is 7.  Others pick 13, just to buck the system. But 47?!  47 is my number, I’d always felt it was unique.  Not so much.

Cruising the internet last week, I came across a link to Awkward Family Photos.  As I was giggling my way through the pages of the album, I saw that 47 apparently is an awkward number.  I had to read the comments on that one. They pointed me to the 47 Society’s webpage.  Disappointingly, it appears to be inactive, but I was intrigued, and kept researching.

According to the Ponoma College website, “In 1964, Professor of Mathematics Donald Bentley proved that all numbers are equal to 47.” I feel so vindicated, because that’s exactly how I use it!  Now I’ll know I’m not really exaggerating, as 47 is accurate at all times.

Furthermore, the fascination with the number 47 infected the Star Trek universe.  The number 47 has featured prominently in episodes from The Next Generation’s fourth season forward, because of writer Joe Menosky.  He is a Ponoma graduate, and wrote for TNG, Deep Space Nine and Voyager.  The inclusion of 47 in these series has been tracked obsessively.  Rick Berman was a fellow writer during some of these episodes, and joked about the inclusion, “47 is 42, corrected for inflation.”  Squee!  A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference wrapped up in a shiny Star Trek coating!

I really wonder now if my subconscious got some programming from watching so much Star Trek, or if it’s truly just coincidental.  Will I turn into this guy?

On the top of my reading stack is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I’ve read through the first two habits now. Steve Covey’s advice is to treat the book as something I will read over and over again, studying, growing, and perfecting.  As long as the book is all that it’s hyped to be, I can accept that.  Personal growth is never ending.  He also suggests that I read as if I was planning to share what I learned within 48 hours, so I’d planned to blog a bit about things that struck me as interesting along the way, sharing with you all and having a way for me to look back and remember my thoughts later on.

Life this month has been soggy. The rain kept coming and coming. Everyone around me was in a funk. Online, there has been a virtual bitchfest, which I’ve gladly participated in at times.  Blowing off steam helps, and heck if I wasn’t getting deprived of some precious vitamin D! My brother, who lives far away in Virginia, even complained about the rain. I felt all hazy and blue — very unmotivated in general.  But I did read some, which helped.  I ran across this passage:

…Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile.  Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice.  There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include.  But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us.  We can be happy and accept those things at present we can’t control, while we focus our efforts on the things that we can.

I read this and thought, I know, I know!  Get rid of your bad attitude.  Gosh, do you have to nag, Stephen? Then I checked myself, and adjusted my attitude.  But really, how many times do I need to learn this lesson for it to stick?  It’s such a simple, basic message, but it is so hard to apply sometimes!  Life has taught it to me repeatedly. No matter how horrible it is, if everything is going wrong in life, I can passively allow the mood to take over, or I can decide to get on with it.  Sometimes the rain still irritates me, and the preachy book I’m reading about motivating myself to take control of my own life rubs me the wrong way.  I can indulge those feelings, or I can face them and examine myself and decide what I’m going to do about it.

How do you deal with moods you can’t shake?  My usual M.O. for breaking out of a persistent funk involves music.  I crank out whiny, pissy, melancholy, or angry music — whatever matches my mood.  Usually that works, and I’ll be out of my funk in no time.  Pairing the music with a nice endorphin high (exercise or sex) works brilliantly. One warning, though — I’ve learned when I’m too depressed to listen to some things because I just break down into sobs of despair.  Those things I save for when I’m already starting out in a good mood and can appreciate a sweet sadness.  Willie Nelson in particular will break my heart a thousand times over if I’m feeling lonesome.

Sometimes just talking to other people about how I feel rotten will do the trick.  Listening to cheesy jokes works.  It really is often as simple as deciding that it’s not worth worrying or moping about if I can’t change it, or getting up and doing something if I can.  Because if I don’t want to feel a certain way, why should I wait on circumstances to change?  I’ve got control of the emotions right here.  It takes an enormous amount of willpower sometimes not to wallow in my own misery, but it’s really doing me no good.  Exerting that power feels so awesome, once I’ve decided “enough!”

Today, the sun came out, and I opened up the windows and enjoyed the change of scenery.  But ultimately, I want to carry my own sunshine around with me wherever I go.

Since I wrote yesterday’s post about the Society for Geek Advancement during the commercials of Big Bang Theory, the video I showed you yesterday has circulated throughout the world and stirred up a lot of drama.  The comments made here reflect the conversation that seems to be going on all over the internet.  Wil Wheaton started out ranting on twitter, and quickly moved to his blog.  His post regarding the difference between embracing and exploiting geek culture, seeks to address his discomfort at being associated with the finished video:

Having someone in a video that purports to celebrate our geek culture say that they don’t play D&D, like playing an RPG is something to be ashamed of, is profoundly offensive to me, because I play D&D. In fact, it’s the chief reason I am a geek. D&D isn’t anything to be ashamed of, it’s awesome. I don’t recall seeing that in the script I was given, and if I had, I never would have agreed to be part of this project.

I loved the idea of creating a video that celebrates our culture and shows that we’re proud to be in it. That’s what I thought this would be, but I feel like we ended up with some kind of self-promoting internet marketing thing that plays right into established stereotypes, and hopes that The Cool Kids will let us hang out with them.

I am a geek. I have been all my life, and I know that those guys are nothing like me and my friends. If we’re going to celebrate and embrace geek culture, we should have geeks leading the effort, not popular kids who are pretending to be geeks because it’s the easy way to get attention during the current 15 minute window.

I’ll admit, even though I enjoyed the video, that bit rubbed me the wrong way.  And I did cut out a snarky sentence that my proofreader commented on wherein I had been a bit judgmental about the poseurs.  Certainly, I don’t want to be a hypocrite, implying that newcomers aren’t welcome.  I gladly cut it out, because my overall joy overshadowed the rough edge of jade that tried to poke through.

Maybe I really am a hypocrite, though.  I know I tend to dichotomize nerd from geek.  My husband and I have discussed this many times, because he isn’t a nerd, and I’m not really a geek.  The difference would be simply picking nits to most people, and clearly the two groups are fairly fluid socially.   He was on the football team in high school, which is auto-disqualification for nerd.  “Nerd” is a badge you have to earn.  Nerds put in some hard time learning to accept who they are, and choosing to stay true to themselves.  As an example, I remember breaking the curve on many math tests.  My teacher even made a point of it, holding up my test as proof that she had taught everyone the material adequately.  That history of mortification and social stigma doesn’t just appear with a lot of gadgets and a lot of followers on twitter. So, if someone had made that exact same video, but claiming all those people were “nerds,” I know I’d have been rubbed the wrong way.  But mostly this video was about techy people, and I don’t identify as strongly with that label.

Of course everyone knows that MC Hammer and Shaq aren’t real geeks! The geeks know it, the cool kids know it, and they know it.  But if they want to play in our sandbox, then a lot of cool things can happen.  Maybe they’ll learn from a new point of view and quit stigmatizing some of the very people that make the world go round.  Social media, and things that were previously “geeky” and bringing them into the mainstream really helps us all out, doesn’t it?  That’s part of why I like Big Bang Theory, because yes, the guys are quirky and socially awkward, but they’re also awesome!  Geek culture isn’t ever going to genuinely be co-opted by the mainstream.  I do think it’s actually pretty awesome that for the moment, being a geek is a badge of honor.  To see some of the cool kids trying to jump on the geek bandwagon just tickles me.

Yeah, I totally just co-opted a Langston Hughes poem.  Don’t take the analogy too far, okay?  Geeks are misunderstood and shunned, but very rarely oppressed beyond high school.   Eventually, many of us work our way up through the eschelons of society and become the world’s leaders anyway.   The Society for Geek Advancement is up and running as of today, promoting “social media for social good.”

Yeah, I know. I am a nerd, and I do play D&D.  I even play Magic, The Gathering on rare occasions.  (Sorry about the nightmares, Kuraruku.)

Still, is that not the coolest?!  I’ve already heard some grumblings about people who are capitalizing on geek chic, but who cares?  Geeks who are self-righteously into non-conformity instead of creativity and excellence are doing it wrong anyway.

Looky what I got!  Isn’t it awesome?  Some friends of mine went to a small anime convention and immediately thought of me when they saw it.  So they bought it!  I love surprises. In addition to the obvious, this was a nod to my half-orc, XaXa.  A couple of their characters lust after XaXa mightily, green skin or not.  I don’t blame them.  She is pretty hot.

She's green? That'll do!

I’m wearing it right now, to get me into the gaming frame of mind.  But really, it’s just serving as a reminder to me that the Star Trek movie is out and I haven’t seen it yet!   It looks like I may have to wait a little bit, too.  Unless… oh!  Maybe I can convince my mom that she would really like to go see that with me for Mother’s Day! Yeah, I think I’ve got a shot at that.   She did take me to see every single Star Trek movie out there while I was growing up, and taught me that we were “Trekkies, honey, never Trekkers.”

Have a great weekend everyone, and please don’t forget your moms.  Live long and prosper!